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You were this outrageously cute heeler-cross puppy the first day we brought you home from the shelter. Technically, you were a rescue, but I never felt like a saint taking you home because you were so healthy, bright, and adorable. You were everything that I wanted in a puppy, a dog, and a companion. And on day one, we were playing with you in the yard, and you turned to me and flashed me your toothy grin. I had always wanted a dog that smiled, and seeing you grin at me made me feel as though I had just won the dog lottery. I had. Your smile would be your trademark greeting throughout your life. I would have to let people know when you greeted them that you were smiling because, as hilarious as your smile was, it was terrifying to people who didn’t know you or didn’t know that dogs could smile like that. Every time you smiled over the past eight years and greeted me with all your teeth, it filled me with joy. I felt like a small child, clapping and laughing. I never tired of your smile, and I will miss it so much. That funny little gesture filled me with so much love and joy daily.

We lived on a 4000-acre farm in Florida when we got you, so you experienced the leashless freedom of a farm dog. But you never left us. Why would you? We walked you on and off the farm daily, and you got used to seeing horses, cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, armadillos, and other wildlife. It was normal for you. I was always amazed that I could always call you off when we ran into another animal. When I said, “Rumble, come!” it was as if a gun had gone off, and you raced back to us and sat. You learned quickly when I taught you to move off the road and lie down whenever a truck came towards us on the farm. You knew this a bit too well. When you heard a motor, you would move off the road and lie down, refusing to budge. I would eventually see the truck headlights approaching in the distance, and we would have to wait for it to pass before we could continue our walk because you were a safety dog. Somehow, you also learned that freshwater in Florida is not for swimming due to alligators, but beaches in Florida (or anywhere) are the best thing ever. You swam after your ball for hours, hitting the Chuckit with your paw when we weren’t throwing it fast enough for you. Then, you would return to our beach shelter and dry yourself on my towel. Still, you were perfect.

Your farm dog good looks got you a lot of attention, especially with the rural southern male crowd. I can’t even count how many times a cowboy in Florida stopped me and said, “Ma’am,” (and I always knew what was coming next. Wait for it…) “That’s a real purdy dog.” Once a cowboy even yelled that from his truck. That’s just how purdy you were; cowboys catcalled you. I always thought you were so beautiful, but I was never sure if it was because you were, or just because I loved you so much, the way mothers love ugly babies. But you were so handsome with your shepherd markings and your heeler speckled feet and muzzle and your dark eyes. I loved looking at you when you slept, so beautiful and perfect and cute.

I was so proud of you when we went on our book tour together. So proud to have you on the cover with me. So amazed with how you took all the travel and book signings and TV stations in stride. Time zones were hard for you, and when you woke me up at 4 a.m. for your morning pee in downtown Calgary, I had to oblige because it was 6 a.m. your time, and you always stuck to a strict schedule. And when the young guy, he was only about 18, came to talk to us at 4 a.m. because he was so excited to see a dog, because he had grown up with a dog like you, you let him talk. But when he got too close, you flashed your teeth at him and let out a low growl. Not a smile this time, but not overly aggressive either. He got the picture and said it was okay; it was a good thing because you were just protecting me. I always felt so safe with you. I was so proud walking with you, too. Everyone always commented on how well-trained you were. People asked me if you were a service dog because of the way you sat quietly, always doing exactly what I wanted you to. You were perfect.

We lived on a 4000-acre farm in Florida when we got you, so you experienced the leashless freedom of a farm dog. But you never left us. Why would you? We walked you on and off the farm daily, and you got used to seeing horses, cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, armadillos, and other wildlife. It was normal for you. I was always amazed that I could always call you off when we ran into another animal. When I said, “Rumble, come!” it was as if a gun had gone off, and you raced back to us and sat. You learned quickly when I taught you to move off the road and lie down whenever a truck came towards us on the farm. You knew this a bit too well. When you heard a motor, you would move off the road and lie down, refusing to budge. I would eventually see the truck headlights approaching in the distance, and we would have to wait for it to pass before we could continue our walk because you were a safety dog. Somehow, you also learned that freshwater in Florida is not for swimming due to alligators, but beaches in Florida (or anywhere) are the best thing ever. You swam after your ball for hours, hitting the Chuckit with your paw when we weren’t throwing it fast enough for you. Then, you would return to our beach shelter and dry yourself on my towel. Still, you were perfect.

You transitioned from being a southern dog to a Canadian dog and had to experience four winters. You learned to love the snow unless the temperature was -15C or worse. Then it was a hard no. You refused to wear booties, and while you put up with the coat I bought you, you did not love wearing it. Instead, you grew your warm winter coat. Dogs are so adaptable. You learned to love lying by the fire on a winter night together. You were my constant through all the moves and job changes, and I never felt lonely if I was with you. I loved walking with you, and even through the pandemic, I was happy if I could spend time outside with you every day. I would watch you as you walked, your ears up, but the right one is always more lax. The tip would bob up and down as you cantered along. And as we walked, I would feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a dog.

All my professional time is spent caring for dogs and cats with cancer, but somehow, despite having had animals for my entire life, I have never had this experience as a pet owner until now. I think of myself as such a tough person, someone who can power through anything, but caring for my beautiful dog with terminal stomach cancer has proved too much for me. I feel I might break from sadness.

This window into what my clients go through has been enlightening and horrible. The pill schedule alone is so hard. You hated all the pills, but you were so good. You would army crawl over to me, obedient but unhappy with the situation, hiding your head in my lap and thumping your tail lightly on the floor, asking me not to keep shoving pills down your throat—so many pills. I switched to hiding them in peanut butter, one of the only things you would eat. I was relieved that we found this compromise.

I was so strict with you over food for your whole life. No treats, no human food, and a special diet for your delicate system and your inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). My mom thought it was mean, but it was the best way I could love you, help you with your IBD, and have you so well-behaved that I could take you to any restaurant patio that would have us or my friends’ houses for dinner. My friends knew that you came everywhere with us. But in the end, all the food rules were suspended. We were at the peanut butter, ice cream, and sirloin steak phase. And even though we were crying most of those days, you still made us laugh when you refused to eat the ground beef we cooked, but you willingly ate the sirloin steak. Quite the change from the farm dog who drove us crazy eating road apples, coyote poo, and dried-up carrots on every farm walk. (I could have done without the poo eating, to be honest, but you were still perfect.)
I feel cheated by your relatively short life. I wanted a mixed-breed-pound puppy rather than a purebred dog because I have seen so many purebreds with cancer. I can’t get over the shock and irony of the gastric carcinoma diagnosis in my eight-year-old mixed-breed dog, not to mention a nonresectable tumor in a surgical oncologist’s dog. With so many friends in the field and expertise at hand, there are still no viable treatment options other than making you comfortable and letting you go.

We were lucky that we could euthanize you on the farm, on the hill where you loved to look out on the horses every day. Just Steve and I, euthanizing you and then laying you to rest forever under the trees. As we say goodbye to you after eight years of being the best dog we could ever have asked for, I hope you know that you were loved.

You were perfect.

I was so proud of you when we went on our book tour together. So proud to have you on the cover with me. So amazed with how you took all the travel and book signings and TV stations in stride. Time zones were hard for you, and when you woke me up at 4 a.m. for your morning pee in downtown Calgary, I had to oblige because it was 6 a.m. your time, and you always stuck to a strict schedule. And when the young guy, he was only about 18, came to talk to us at 4 a.m. because he was so excited to see a dog, because he had grown up with a dog like you, you let him talk. But when he got too close, you flashed your teeth at him and let out a low growl. Not a smile this time, but not overly aggressive either. He got the picture and said it was okay; it was a good thing because you were just protecting me. I always felt so safe with you. I was so proud walking with you, too. Everyone always commented on how well-trained you were. People asked me if you were a service dog because of the way you sat quietly, always doing exactly what I wanted you to. You were perfect.

We lived on a 4000-acre farm in Florida when we got you, so you experienced the leashless freedom of a farm dog. But you never left us. Why would you? We walked you on and off the farm daily, and you got used to seeing horses, cows, sheep, pigs, chickens, armadillos, and other wildlife. It was normal for you. I was always amazed that I could always call you off when we ran into another animal. When I said, “Rumble, come!” it was as if a gun had gone off, and you raced back to us and sat. You learned quickly when I taught you to move off the road and lie down whenever a truck came towards us on the farm. You knew this a bit too well. When you heard a motor, you would move off the road and lie down, refusing to budge. I would eventually see the truck headlights approaching in the distance, and we would have to wait for it to pass before we could continue our walk because you were a safety dog. Somehow, you also learned that freshwater in Florida is not for swimming due to alligators, but beaches in Florida (or anywhere) are the best thing ever. You swam after your ball for hours, hitting the Chuckit with your paw when we weren’t throwing it fast enough for you. Then, you would return to our beach shelter and dry yourself on my towel. Still, you were perfect.